Thoughtful Thursday: How did I get this way??

I am sitting here pondering over what I should write about on this 'thoughtful' Thursday. What am I really thinking about today?  As I look down to ponder on this, I realize that there is one thing I am not thinking about that I really should be thinking about...the fact that this middle roll that I have is getting bigger!! Yikes! Where did this come from in such a short time?? Could it be the Lay's cheddar cheese chips I have been munching on lately? Or maybe the chicken club I had last night at Wendy's. Or maybe it's because I never get any exercise other than running around at work for 8 hrs...does that count? Whatever it is, I ain't liking it much! I get so mad at myself. I really love food, particularly sweets. But it loves me even more.

According to my BMI index they always base you on, I am considered obese. I don't think so but healthwise, yes, I am. I am unhealthy. I admit it. Why have I gotten this way? Well, I think I have really let this fibromyalgia really get the best of me somehow this past year. I do not like it. I hate being in pain. I do not want to 'try' out drugs to maybe help the pain. I do not want to work at my job because I can barely walk out of there most of the time. I have gotten a bad attitude...well, worse than usual. I am tired of it. I am really, really tired and exhausted. Is that why I am eating all this junk? Some may say that I am turning to food but really,  I just love food. I love sweets, I love tons of butter on my food, I love tons of cheese on my food. And if I really love it, I tend to overeat until I almost explode. Food is good!! Just that some foods are unhealthier than others and should be limited.

I used to at least try to eat healthy. Now I feel like...well, too exhausted to care? I am not sure. People say to take my meds and maybe that will help but I have a feeling that it may make other things worse. It is mostly just experimenting for years to come up with what works. Fibro is like a game you play and I have let it win. No one really knows what it feels like unless you experience it. Pretty much like most things in life. Am I going to continue to let it win? That is left up to me. I guess I have to make that choice.

I know what I need to do...start making healthier choices. I am going to start there and not look any further for now. I think that would make me too exhausted. Just another thought...since it is 'thoughtful'  Thursday...maybe I should designate every Thursday to any progress I make or at least post my failures because there are always failures along the way. I need to start dealing with this so much better than I have this past year. Thanks for listening to my food obsession and my pity party. It's gonna be a challenge for sure. But then again, there are others that have many more challenges in life than I do.

What are your thoughts for this awesome Thursday? On a really positive note for today...it is sunny, in the high 70's and I am off today!!!! Deck...here I come!

~Kim~